I know a guy who likes to argue that there’s no such thing as cinematic writing.
And even if you agree that it’s impossible to truly put into words what someone will see on screen, getting as close to that as possible is what we’re always aiming for. Because, yes, some interpretation will happen, as in any form of communication. But really we’re trying to convey what we’re seeing in our minds onto the page in a way that others can see it the same way in their minds, so that we can all agree on (and discuss, collaborate on, etc.) the movie this script will eventually become.
One (seemingly) small way to make that happen is what I’ve heard called both “transitive grammar” and “filmic word order.” I wasn’t an English major, so I just call it leading the reader or, at the very least, not confusing us.
This Tweak & Polish tip is closely related to Tip #3, “Write for continuity.” But today we’re talking more about a sentence-level tweak you can make to help your screenplay read better, and do a better job of conveying the movie in your mind.
What is filmic word order?
In his book, “The Science of Storytelling,” Will Storr talks about how our brains create models when we read. So we take in the words on the page, and our brains make a representation of it to “see”.
Filmic word order helps our brains make those models efficiently and effectively by conveying the order of action through the order of words. That way, we can seamlessly “watch” what’s happening in our minds. We don’t have to backtrack, re-read, figure out what we’re meant to see, etc.
Take this simple example, again from Will Storr’s book:
“Jane gave her dad a kitten.”
Or, “Jane gave a kitten to her dad.”
The first one requires your brain to establish Jane, then her dad, then put the two together with an activity. The order creates little bumps in our mental modeling and, in fact, is probably not what the shot would look like onscreen.
More likely, we’d see Jane take the action of handing the kitten to it’s end point, her dad.
So we’re talking about how a sentence is put together. Or, more specifically, putting words in the proper order so the sentence reads as the action would unfold onscreen.
Are you kidding me – does word order really matter?
On its face this tip probably sounds like the most micro-manage-y splitting of hairs. But, again – this is a Tweak & Polish tip. It’s icing on the screenplay cake, not a make-or-break. But before you totally discount it, remember that it is a simple thing you can do to improve the overall impression your screenplay makes.
You might notice the difference this can make if we look at a less-simple – and more realistic – example. Sometimes I read scripts that contain sentences like this:
“Confused by what he sees in the windows of the house behind his brother, John’s dressed in his Sunday best, and refuses to move any closer.”
While reading this sentence, you probably had to stop and figure out exactly what was going on. But a few simple tweaks – including thinking about filmic word order – would make this much easier to digest (and model in our minds).
Okay, but how about an example of how to use filmic word order well? Here’s Page 1 from the Come to Daddy screenplay, written by Toby Harvard. In every line you can see how we’re being led through the action as it would play out on screen.
The right time to wordsmith
Remember, this is a Tweak & Polish tip, which means you’re not going to worry about it when you’re developing your project, or even when working on the first draft. Don’t sweat the small stuff too early.
Filmic word order is about considering how our brains process information and writing your screenplay description in a way that makes it easy to “see” the action as it plays out. It might sound like a fancy, academic label but it’s an easy tweak.
A polish-phase, sentence-level adjustment that will improve the readability of your script and the overall impression it makes. And it really just comes down to conveying the action in an order that makes sense.
In case you missed them, here are the other tips in the Tweak & Polish series:
#1 Cut Redundant Dialogue
#2 Don’t Summarize, Dramatize
#4 Digestible Sentences
#5 The Dialogue Pass